Funny Quotes And Sayings Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Funny Quotes And Sayings Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog

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I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/w/whauden161273.html#wPbg9xEPh5yx9yee.99

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.
He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.
Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.

Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/e/elayneboos105980.html#txLHVsge2SIT2PbH.99

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/mitchhedbe297485.html#Bd4Gly6eJx7YSTI5.99

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Elayne Boosler
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html#VCD0vJeFhuo1Brer.99

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