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Funny Quotes To Live By Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
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- Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
- -A. Whitney Brown
- I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
- - Stephen Wright
- When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter.
- - Stephen Wright.
- Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
- --Sue Murphy
- I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'
- -Bruce Baum
- You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
- - Ellen DeGeners.
- The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
- - Salvador Dali (1904-1989)
- Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
- - Aldous Huxley (1894-1963)
- I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
- - Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
- Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
- - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
- You can observe a lot by just watching.
- - Yogi Berra
- The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
- - Walter Bagehot
- Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
- - Yogi Berra
- He who sleeps on the floor will not fall off the bed.
- - Robert Gronock.
- Like math? We could add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide our legs, and multiply!
- - Frank
- Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever. - - Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest
- Contrary to popular belief, "Damn It" is not God's last name.
- (Construction wall, Philadelphia, 1969)
- I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.
- - Elayne Boosler
- Wherever I go, people are waving at me. Maybe if I do a good job, they'll use all their fingers.
- - Frank King, Winter Olympic Games organizing committee chairman.
- Sometimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug.
- - Mark Knopfler.
- America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for a dollar and use it up in two weeks.
- - Barrymore.
- Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
- - Mork, Mork and Mindy
- As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
- - Dick Cavett
- When you come to a fork in the road, take it!
- - Yogi Berra
- If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
- - Dan Quayle
- Congratulations to American Astronaut Shannon Lucid, she now holds the American record for most time in space. Of course, the old record was held by Jerry Garcia."
- - Spaceballs (Dark Helmet)
- The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
- - W. C. Fields.
- It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people.
- - Dolph Sharp
- Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
- - Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat
- I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
- - Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)
- I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
- - Katherine Cebrian
- Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
- - Robert Orben
- Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
- - Woody Allen
- Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
- - Dave Barry
- Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? (1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. (2) Advising the President. (3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
- - David Letterman
- Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
- - Tommy Cooper
- It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
- - Darrin Weinberg
- Lady Astor: "Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!" Winston Churchill: "Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober."
- I tried to think but nothing happened!
- - Curly
- The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- - Jon Hammond
- If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.
- - Dick Cavett
- Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
- - Fletcher Knebel
- Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
- - Carl Friedrich Gauss (1777-1855), while working, when informed that his wife is dying
- I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
- - Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, 1943
- The covers of this book are too far apart.
- - Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
- If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
- Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
- Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
- Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
- Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
- Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
- Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
- Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
- Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
- Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
- Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
- Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
- Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
- Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
- Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
- Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
- Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
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