What’s does my perfect Valentine’s day look like? I am sitting at work with 5 cell phones in front of me and people are calling me every 10 minutes to buy one of the 50 reservations that I made in different restaurants.
If you‘re alone during Valentine’s day, it is priceless for you. Otherwise you would spend a few hundred dollars.
If you feel sad that you stay alone during Valentine‘s day, just remember that nobody loves you on any of those other 355 days of the year.
Today is February 14th – St. Valentine’s day. Women call it Love day, while men name it as extortion day.
To comfort your sister if she’s alone during Valentine’s day, you may say: 80 percent of my socks are single but I have never seen them crying because of that.
My boyfriend told me I can do with him whatever I want on Valentine’s Day, so I tied him up and went to the nightclub.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all the couples, wish your love last forever and to all single people wish your batteries last forever…
Valentine’s Day is for couples. All singles can enjoy themselves for rest of 364 days of the year.
Please remember that Valentine’s Day is a polite reminder that Christmas decorations must go down!
Love doesn’t have a price tag on it, but all its accessories has.
It would be great if Valentine’s Day came with a fast-forward button.
I‘m only in this for your cute butt. Obviously. Happy Valentine‘s day.
I love you just the way I am
A real confession: You mean so much more to me than my new iPhone!
I do not need a photograph to remember you, because you are always on my mind.
Darling, will you be my player number 2?
To be happy with a man you have to understand him a lot and love me a little. While with the women it‘s vice versa: love them a lot and don‘t even try to understand them. Happy Valentine’s day!
A recommendation for girls for St. Valentine’s day: if you want to be successful among guys during St. Valentine’s day and lucky afterwards, the only ring you may were during the Day of Love is the contraceptive ring in your vagina.
I would love you even if you were so ugly that everyone died.
You would be perfect (if only you lost 20 pounds)
I need to fell in love, because I haven’t had any problems for a long time. Happy February 14th!
You’ve to kiss a lot of frogs, before you find your prince on the horse.
You should leave office earlier today so your colleagues will think you have some romantic plans for Valentine’s Day.
I wish you would be my emergency contact person one day.
I’m celebrating no need to celebrate Valentine’s Day.
Congratulations! You are my first repetitive Valentine.
I suspect you was cheating, your gift for me was too amazing.
Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me. ― Runaway Bride
I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it. ― Garry Shandling
Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies. ― Sex and the City
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. ― Woody Allen
Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free till they find someone just as wild to run with them. ― Sex and the City
I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude. ― Henry David Thoreau
By persistently remaining single, a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation. ― Oscar Wilde
If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. ― Unknown
Love is like playing the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and play from your heart. ― Unknown
True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. ― Erich Segal
If I tell you I love you, can I have you forever? ― Casper
Love is a leap ... I was never inspired to jump. ― Kate & Leopold
The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more; that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. ― Notebook
Remember my sentimental friend, you will be judged not by how much you love, but by how much you are loved. ― Wizard of Oz
"February is a month of months, and there is one special day: Valentine's Day on the 14th. I know it's still a ways off, but I just can't wait. Janice, if you're watching, will you make me the happiest man in the world and get out of my apartment?" -Ed Helms
"Ever have that one friend who gets a Valentine's Day gift for their mother? Doens't that freak you out a little? It's like, 'I don't know how to break this to you but I think she's banging your dad!'" -Russ Meneve
"It goes Christmas, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day. Is that fair to anyone who's alone? These are all days you gotta be with someone. And if you didn't get around to killing yourself at Christmas or New Year's, boom! There's Valentine's Day. I think there should be one more after Valentine's Day just called, 'Who could love you?'"
"I have a dream, and a plan, to combine the commercial possibilities of Valentine's Day with the substance and meaning of black history month. I call it: Blackentine's Day." -Mo Rocca
"The jewelry stores say, 'Tell your wife you love her with a diamond,' while wives tell you they love you with, 'Ok, but just because it's Valentine's Day.'" -George Lopez
"Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything." -Jon Stewart
Valentine's Day money-saving tips: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. In place of bubble bath, use lavender-scented dish-washing liquid.
"I love Valentine's Day. When you're a kid everyone gets a Valentine. It's like 'TO TIM, NICE PANTS, LOVE SCOTT'. It's Valentines galore!" -Mike Birbiglia
- See more at: http://www.valentinesdayideas2014.net/2014/01/funny-valentines-day-quotes-by-comedians.html#sthash.M0dFjSIu.dpuf
Every year, girls are like, 'This is the year I get diamonds!' And guys are like, 'This is the year I get a blowjob!' Everybody's disappointed." -Aisha Tyler
"Let me tell you why I hate Valentine's day: Because a few years ago on Valentine's night I thought I would have nice romantic evening in with the lady. Little did I know, that same night, her ex boyfriend decided he would win her heart back. And being the sweet, romantic guy that he is, he thought the best way to do this was to get all coked up and then jump through a window and TRY TO MURDER ME... You know what, it worked. They're still together." -Doug Mellard
"Today, folks, should be all about love. Unless you're old." -Stephen Colbert
"February is a month of months, and there is one special day: Valentine's Day on the 14th. I know it's still a ways off, but I just can't wait. Janice, if you're watching, will you make me the happiest man in the world and get out of my apartment?" -Ed Helms
"Ever have that one friend who gets a Valentine's Day gift for their mother? Doens't that freak you out a little? It's like, 'I don't know how to break this to you but I think she's banging your dad!'" -Russ Meneve
"It goes Christmas, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day. Is that fair to anyone who's alone? These are all days you gotta be with someone. And if you didn't get around to killing yourself at Christmas or New Year's, boom! There's Valentine's Day. I think there should be one more after Valentine's Day just called, 'Who could love you?'"
"I have a dream, and a plan, to combine the commercial possibilities of Valentine's Day with the substance and meaning of black history month. I call it: Blackentine's Day." -Mo Rocca
"The jewelry stores say, 'Tell your wife you love her with a diamond,' while wives tell you they love you with, 'Ok, but just because it's Valentine's Day.'" -George Lopez
"Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything." -Jon Stewart
Valentine's Day money-saving tips: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. In place of bubble bath, use lavender-scented dish-washing liquid.
"I love Valentine's Day. When you're a kid everyone gets a Valentine. It's like 'TO TIM, NICE PANTS, LOVE SCOTT'. It's Valentines galore!" -Mike Birbiglia
Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog
Every year, girls are like, 'This is the year I get diamonds!' And guys are like, 'This is the year I get a blowjob!' Everybody's disappointed." -Aisha Tyler
"Let me tell you why I hate Valentine's day: Because a few years ago on Valentine's night I thought I would have nice romantic evening in with the lady. Little did I know, that same night, her ex boyfriend decided he would win her heart back. And being the sweet, romantic guy that he is, he thought the best way to do this was to get all coked up and then jump through a window and TRY TO MURDER ME... You know what, it worked. They're still together." -Doug Mellard
"Today, folks, should be all about love. Unless you're old." -Stephen Colbert
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